If you want to buy a ticket with the Swiss train service (SBB), you´d better already know the Swiss map and SBB’s tariff regulations in great detail. Otherwise you might unwittingly become a fare dodger.

Imagine you arrive at Zürich Airport without local knowledge, and want to visit someone in Uster (the suburb in which I happen to live):

From “Zürich Airport” to “Uster” the vending machine will present you with the following options:

How to chose the correct “via”? From a logical perspective anyone could assume “the less zones the cheaper” so I´ll best go “via Wallisellen” if I´m not in a rush. While that´s not always true, in this specific case it is (cheaper but slower…).

If you chose “via Wallisellen” the last thing to do is pay:

You, the latest SBB-customer (aka fare dodger), now have a ticket “Zürich Airport” to “Uster” “via Wallisellen”. You copy these details, 1:1, into the prepared SBB-Mobile-App to find a corresponding connection:

All listed connections must be “via Wallisellen”, since that´s what you entered, right?

you just chose the next available one, leaving 15h32:

If you pay detailed attention you´ll be surprised: Change in Oerlikon?! Where is Wallisellen? So you go into the details and find the details as per below: Wallisellen does appear, so this connection actually takes us “via Wallisellen”.

Still weary that something might be wrong you check all(!) other connections. They´re all the same – it´s always via Oerlikon (and also via Wallisellen). So you assume all is good…

If you´re not checked you´ll never know. However, if you are checked, you have to pay CHF 100 fine as a “fare dodger”. Reason: Oerlikon is already in Zürich’s “110”-Zone, the one we wanted to circumvent. The catch is that the vending machines and the SBB-Mobile-App handle connections differently. The vending machine looks at used zones in theoretically possible connetions. The SBB-App looks for “fastest connections”, where “passing through” counts as “via”.

If you want buy the proper ticket, you´ll have to know which connection passes through which zones. Something that is nearly impossible, especially for tourists.

I heard so much about NorthKorea, so in April 2011 I though: Go and see for yourself!

The only way to get there from Europe is via Beijing. A friend had set up base in Beijing, so I took this as a sign that I should go right now…

A few days later I found myself in a group, checking into a flight with Air Koryo (North Korean national airline) from Beijing to Pyongyang.

What was about to come, was the oddest journey of my life.

On arrival in Pyongyang, our group was picked up by our “guides”. These guides would stay with us 24/7 – the whole lenght of our stay. The complete itinerary is set in stone before tourists arrive.

In July 2006, I visited Beirut/Lebanon. Unfortunately exactly at the time, when the last Israeli-Lebanese war started.

Being a Westerner, my last hope was “my” embassy, thinking they might be able to help out.

German Embassy:

• Their phone was either busy or no-one answered.
• After 100s of tries some lady showed mercy and picked up the phone. She also didn´t know what´s the right thing to do, especially since her daughter came to visit the day before the war broke out… I wasn´t entirely sure if I´m talking to Embassy personnel trained for emergencies, or someone from the Muppet Show.
• She did write down my details, saying I´d be called back once the embassy finds out any specifics.
• Relatives in Germany called the “Ministry of Foreign Affairs” in Berlin and were told the same thing: The details would be noted, and we shall receive a call back soon…
• Every later enquiry always yielded the same reply: “We will call you back once we know”… Interestingly they never confirmed that we are on that list of people that would be contacted: Everyone´s details were administered on paper, hence it would be impossible to quickly check if someone is on that list or not.
• No-one ever called. Not me, not my relatives.
• Ever since I suspect that the “electronic registration system for Germans abroad” >>Elefand<< was triggered through the numerous following complaints?!

Belgian Embassy:

• Call to Belgian Embassy, fist attempt: “We are in the process of organising an evacuation. We will call you once we know exactly. Give us your details, so we can call you back.”
• Relatives in Belgium call the “centre de crise” in Brussels. Only from my family name, the employee in Brussels(!) saw my data, which I gave to the Embassy in Beirut(!) just 5 minutes earlier. “There is no need for double-registration, we will do what we can.”
• 24 hours later: The Embassy calls me: “We will evacuate with buses, please be in Hamra-Street tomorrow morning at 07h00”
• 10 Minutes later my relatives in Belgium were informed about the same thing. The “centre de crise” also informed them that they will get additional news once we cross the border into “safe” Syria.
• That´s exactly what happened: We reconstructed that the “centre de crise” called my relatives in Belgium ~ 30 mins after our bus crossed the border. “Your loved ones are now in safe Syria, we will -again- let you know once they reach Damascus.” What a relief for those at home!

The bus convoy itself:

Some European Embassies organised said convoy of buses, to evacuate their citizens. All were ready to go, with an exception for the German bus: Because of some German law, every German citizen had to pay EUR 50 at the point of departure in Beirut, to make sure that the German state won´t incur losses through the evacuation. One rather extended German family had nothing with them, because (they claimed) their house was bombed the day before. Whatever the reason, they didn´t pay, and the drama lasted from 07h00 until 11h30. At that time employees of other embassies intervened: “Look, we´re all ready to go. If this was a technical problem with the bus, we´d understand and wait. But waiting for bureaucratic reasons, in such a precarious situation, is unacceptable. We´ll go now, and hope you´ll join us…” Suddenly it all worked out, and we started moving.

“Service” in Damascus

As I found out later, the German Embassy “dropped” their citizens at the airport in Damascus, wishing them all the best.

All flights and hotels were booked out, so some unlucky folks had to sleep in the airport´s parking lot.

The Belgian Ambassador to Damascus knew a priest of a local church, and asked him if he would provide the church as a temporary shelter in this extreme case. So a funny mix of Belgians remained in the church until everyone found a flight home, or some other accommodation. The Embassy also helped in organising these alternatives.

Last but not least I tried to inform the German authorities that I won´t need help from now, since I´m already safely out of Lebanon. As they couldn´t find me on their paper-based records(that´s how I found out about this), they couldn´t scratch me from the list. Nevertheless I never received any further feedback.